Everything Is Gone, I'm Alone.

.Sunday, March 29, 2009 ' 11:41 AM

this post is purely replies 2 taggs kaes.

-carmen
i'll try...
cause it is hard 2 solve all the problems that is impossible.
there is alot of problems that no one knows...
and my family problem is also known to you only.
so the stress from all the problems is really hard 2 cope.
but, i'll try not 2 do it.

-elmo
diaos...
copied?
haiz...
you're not me you won't know the things i'm going through.

-all who tagged
you guys cant understand...
alot of problems are not told to you cause i know that things said is equal to saying nothing.
those stress from the problems is real big.
really very hard 2 make it understood.

Ended her day....

.Saturday, March 28, 2009 ' 7:10 PM

i know we're drifting apart,
and i think u know who you are.
not to my primary dearies,
so no need 2 worry.
i dun wish to see the drift,
but i do know certain reasons.
not all,
but some.
do not approach me,
cause i dun know how 2 reply it.
i wish 2 close up the gap,
or maybe we'll spilt into 2 groups after all.
still,
that's not what i wish for.

Ended her day....

. ' 7:00 PM

i think i'll settle on this skin 1st,
dam moodless 2 do anything now=.=
this skin is pretty simple but better than the previous 1 which is a mess by me.
went 2 m'sia today,
but of cause i didn't get my hair cut agn=.=
maybe the next time go i'll...
bought 4sets of clips,
cause buy3get1free=.=
den i hate lossing those clips,
hair dam messy can=.=
my current hair i'm satisfied,
but hate tying up.
cos u know my hair those sides not the length 2 tie what...
i wish 2 cut til a length which can dun tie den go sch,
but dunno effect nice anot.
wait next time den see ba...

Meiling,
great that you've made the thing clear.
dun wish 2 see u doing that agn.
do you know that it hurts me?
even though we've not known for very long,
but our relationship is already close.
promise me never be that foolish agn will you?
but i cant give you my promise though,
cause mine will not happen in the recent future.
it will only happen if the stress is unbearable.
and,
if i wanna die i'll make sure it is real death.
so that'll be somehow quite hard huh?
so no need worry for the near future...
you too,
dun stress urself up.
try lowering your targets.

Ended her day....

.Friday, March 27, 2009 ' 8:41 PM

stupid=.= wanted 2 go 2 blogs,
but tried alot of blogs and i couldn't go=.=
computer got problem or whatsoever la...
haiz...
quite emo this few days=.=
i wan die lar=.=
but,
if i really wan die,
i will make sure i 100% die.
cannot even have 1% of survival rate.
cause with that 1% will cause my parent's pocket a big hole,
so ya...
haiz...
hack care lar=.=
today sports day,
but at the stadium dam boring=.=
den still complusory 2 go lor...
but my house jaguar won,
just cause there are good runners la...
i join the court games netball n basketball,
but like useless since they never even mentioned it lor...
dunno join for what=.=
i think next year i joining running events,
but i dun think i will join 100m and 200m run,
cause the gun bang dam loud can=.=
i can stun there for quite some time ba....
so aiya next year den decide lor...

i was wondering if i jump what will your responds be,
but actually i knew the answer long ago.
you will never care bout how i felt,
but i just couldn't forget your presence.
you should be forgotten,
but the memories of you is clearer than yesterday.
i really wish you never existed,
so i won't be suffering today.
i couldn't be like others cut themselves,
since i'm afraid of the pain.
the only thing i can do is to jump,
since jumping i can close my eyes and forget everthing.
but is it worth jumpig for your sake?
yes to me but maybe no to others.
i really miss you alot everyday,
wishing to see you every second is what i want.
i've tried to persuade myself that having you is impossible,
but i still can't stop dreaming about it.
never know when will this dream stop,
but wish it will soon.
i really hate the stress the world is giving me,
and u're not the one by my side helping me.
without friends i would leave this world long ago,
but under the current stress,
i may really want 2 go soon.
i don't know how long can i still take this stress,
but i really won't want to hurt people who care for me.
if i want to go,
wish god takes my life away.
i won't want 2 hurt myself without going away,
and cause my parents to suffer with me.
1 person suffering is enough.

Ended her day....

.Sunday, March 22, 2009 ' 1:21 PM

blog under going renovation,
so pls bear with it now.
spent a long time but the blog wont get well..
lols..
so ya,
holiday hw i did science only,
the worksheets will chiong tonite.
didn't have an idea how 2 do geo n history so maybe going sch 2 ask?
lols...
k i needa help bro train his acc in maple=.=
so ya i going...
bbyes guys ~

Ended her day....

.Thursday, March 12, 2009 ' 7:43 PM

today the ending part of netball is dam tiring,
if u dun believe tell me and i'll let u try it...
can die 1 ok...
plus we 1st time do leh...
den went home,
but lucky bus came quite fast lar...
poke le=(((
so poor thing go out only can window shopping...
need stop myself from eating=.=
gonna become a fat pig liao...
lols...
anw today was i think the most tired day in sec sch netball training,
and also the most sian day..
mr tan leaving=(
i'll miss him ok...
hmm...
ending now,
short post nia la...
bbyes

Ended her day....

.Wednesday, March 11, 2009 ' 6:51 PM

so how's this blogskin?
really cannot find new and nice 1,
so since didn't use this b4 i try out lor...
i know not really nice lar...
cause the pic that person deleted den i go download le den re uploaded it so...
it isn't very nice lor...
bear with me ok...
still trying 2 make a blogskin of my own,
if suceed will be great=)
so today went 2 st luke hospital...
n time post now,
gtg... maybe friday or nxt week den post liao...
k cya guys... have a great weekends=)

Ended her day....

.Friday, March 6, 2009 ' 8:34 PM

haha...
those taggs were really great...
today was abit hyper out with xinyu,
and if u're lucky,
going out with me will let u see another face of me...
the hyper part..
went 2 archade,
and spent all my savings there,
curse myself-.-
must set a ban from archade until i save $50 for my future cam at least...
gotta but 3 presents for april...
going poke agn... lols...

anw 2 frens,
thanks for standing by my side when i need you...
laopos/sisters,
jieqi, liyan, joycelyn
i really thank you guys...
you guys made me grow alot,
and my life became colourful because of you too.
charmaine and theresa my daughters,
had a wonderful time with you two.
can laugh til siao cause sometimes you guys were crazy...
but makes my life more colourful too...
other brother sisters in btps like shihwee,junliang and so on...
having you guys is a great thing...
junliang,
even though we talk always like got link 2 some qurrellings*,
but i think u're the only 1 who qurrels with me longest even...
lols...
others i dunno what 2 say,
cause some not really dam dam dam close,
but still thanks.
btps frens, <33333333 u guys 4ever kaes...
must keep in touch...
i'll miss u guys...
and jiapei,
i'm ur longest frenship in sch rite?
haha...
fun together,
we pon classes and so on together,
so much fun.
wuzong,
sometimes u're quite irritating,
but u're fun after all...

change 2 dunearn new frens and few old ones,
shihwee n junliang i dun need say le ba...
vera,xinyu,px,meiling and carmen,
the closest ones..
it looks like we're into 2 groups,
vera,xinyu and px 1 group which is closer,
me, meiling and carmen closer.
but xinyu is the 1st fren,
and of cos she talked 2 me 1st...
but that time cos she too hyper,
so i abit like not used yet lar...
very least frens hyper k...
but after that got used ler...
den vera,
i rmb orentation night she talked 2 me too...
and xinyu and her have much more things 2 talk about,
compared 2 me who will jus reply 1 or 2 words after they said 1sentence or so...
lols...
meiling talked 2 me too during orentation night,
but i think not counted as talk ba...
cause that time i think u see me so lonely 1person in class rite?
so said hi 2 me...
but i replied hi back only... lols...
carmen was after that i forgotten which occasion den slowly gotten closer de...
laughing now,
as i still rmb my 1st impression of carmen is tat she's an ah lian...
lols...
but of cos after getting known 2 her,
knew that she isn't...
maybe cos of her hair or whatever ba...
which gave me that impression...
but,
now i think among all i'm closest to carmen?
maybe cause we face the same problem,
which got us close.
carmen,
BFF <3
but of cos i dunno why i dun have the courage 2 talk about it face 2 face,
only when it's at blog or sms den i will talk loads...
i'm a funny person...
meiling,
i think u 2nd closest 2 me???
maybe cause we hang out more often,
plus we're sitting next 2 each other...
ur enthu towards studies really impressed me,
and i know i'll never be like you.
not much people can manage 2 have such enthu towards studies,
u're the rare one...
really wish you can excel in your grades,
and get closer towards your dream.
xinyu,vera and peixuan,
i dunno who come 1st or whatever la...
but all of you are like... i dunno how 2 say...
maybe u guys mix 2gether cause of some part of character same or smthing like that...
xinyu,
thanks for being the 1st one 2 talk 2 me...
lols...
anw,
i know u'll always be the unique one... lols...
vera,
mayb u should try another hairstyle?
lols...
anw thanks 4 the encouragement u gave me...
=)
px...
i dun think i need say anything ba...
lols...

now,
i can say that i've strained my leg muscles,
and my hand hates me this few days...
leg muscles cos wed n thurs got netball training and did alot of exercise,
den 2day still got pe...
3days of exercise...
u think leh...
hand i dunno y i cant seems 2 control the ball,
like ply worse than p5 or 6 that time...
and that is the last thing i wanted 2 see...
my skills failing...
wish it could improve ba...
anw wish that this science test can pass,
and my 2nd maths test passed!
but mr tan will be going away soon,
and i think i would miss him...
even though i hate him at the start,
but eventually liked him...
not that kinda like kaes...
he's quite a nice person actually...
ok gtg le... bbyes...

Ended her day....

.Wednesday, March 4, 2009 ' 6:53 PM

haha...
test 2moro,
and still got netball 2moro,
even though we got 1 today ...
ms rine* say monday and thursday training starting from next week,
cause coach wednesday can only teach from 3-5,
den tuesday she not free...
coach must be dam busy...
i feel she's quite a nice person,
and in fact to me,
she quite chio leh..
is like she shine with her tann...
haiz...
dam stressed,
depressed,
and i dunno what...
mixed feelings...
5.1-5.3 not done,
maths test and eng test 2moro,
science test on friday,
training 2moro...
next week got test agn,
and i really feel like dieing...
you know,
if i can,
i wish 2 go out on the road,
even better is that a truck comes...
die,
or maybe let me have a long long sleep.
a sleep which is very long...
long enough 2 let me forget everything...
parents are unfair...
they always say we dun think in their way,
but do they think in our way?
they always think that they are right,
never taking our opinion...
we have our own ideas,
our own dreams,
our own thinking,
our own ways...
they dun even let us do what we want,
never give us the freedom and trust we need from them,
never supporting us...
i dun take other parents,
i take my own mum...
even though sometimes she's good 2 me,
but she dun give me trust,
not really freedom,
and never supporting me.
see that time when choosing cca?
i wanted 2 try basketball,
and she says no...
i said netball and she said yes at that time..
now when i say about netball,
she is like that is not important,
concentrate on your studies...
she knows that i lik art,
and she just dun care...
when i do art she'll ask got hw anot,
and is like the art is not a subject.
never thought of my feelings,
never..
i like sports, things consist of art,
but she dissaprove it all.
sports can do harm 2 me?
art can do harm?
it is also part of life.
what she thinks is,
hw, main subjects are important.
den all the small subjects are nothing...
her hopes are always set on me,
but always doting on my brother.
like him so much,
go put ur hopes on him la...
why even bother 2 put hopes on me when you know i'm not going fufil it,
and i hate those things...
i'm not interested,
not a little bit.
always expect me 2 do what u want,
but never doing what i want.
selfish.
humans are unexpected selfish...
me myself is also selfish...
everyone is selfish...
the world is unpredictable...
because of parents,
they will make people lose hope in people.
they will make childs get closer 2 their frens,
cause at least the frens understand and support more.
who were the ones who stand by our side when we needed help most?
frens.
they were the ones who supported us,
not parents.
if i can fufil my dreams,
i will thank my frens.
they are my pillar of strength,
and of cause those teachers who i like,
cause they helped me 2 learn things,
more thngs than my parents cn make me realise from life.

i can tell you, my life will end earlier than anyone expected...
that is what i predict,
since i hate the world so much.
but, if i die,
i will always remember my frens.
cause if i miss anything from this world, it is you guys.
you guys make me feel my worth,
my presence in world.
i feel great with all of u.

Ended her day....

.Monday, March 2, 2009 ' 4:06 PM

ok... today in sch still went well,
just that was dam sian and in lesson i was folding hearts and listening 2 cher...
science lesson was so bored,
i was going 2 fall asleep liao can...
but was folding hearts and didn't want 2 miss anything,
so tried 2 keep myself awake...
dunno is tues,wed or thurs got training,
need bring shirt everyday sia...
den i not only bring shirt,
still got deoderant, and towel...
not quite heavy la.. but take up space ma...
after sch end go home myself,
den netball senior crystal sec 2 de she and frens on bus,
there talking and joking...
so dam funny lor...
i was putting on earpiece at 1st,
but after that just take off and listen...
they were talking there den suddenly dunno who say something like
" junior here dun so bad la"
something there la...
cause i was putting inner earpiece but not dam loud,
so can hear abit only....
den after that i feel funny,
so take off 1side...
den crystal say she my junior leh...
den reach her hand out,
call me shake.
den shake le the other senior gal de was like ur junior a...
den the boy luaghing there...
den crystal call me say i from netball de..
haha...
den after that dunno what they joking about agn...
so i take earpiece down and hear lor...
but their chinese i can say i really not very good lor...
sorry for saying bad bout u seniors...

anw,
i dunno forget him le ma...
but i think not...
some sort of missing him,
but dunno y like abit scared of seeing him,
while i wish 2 see him...
what stupid feeling is that?
i dunno...
really emo person...
haiz...
finished geography email,
and so sian now...
use computer also will sian...
what person am i sia...
i tink i'm the kind if sleep 24hrs dun wake up the most happy that kind ba...
maybe,
tired of life...
life...
what is it?
eat, sleep, bath, watch tv, ply computer, go sch, go out, alot more.
but, why i have no interest in them all?
i dunno why...
i'm like someone who only has around 4 kinds of mood?
happy(seldom), sad, emo and angry.
happy, is sure seldom de...
den what bout the other 3?
which is the most?
i think emo ba...
anw,
so weird-.-
i'm talking 2 myself in the whole post-.-
nvm i'm going now so,
bbyes=)

Ended her day....

.Sunday, March 1, 2009 ' 6:01 PM